


116. broken cages

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [233]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9809834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: She walks up the edges of the stairs. When she gets to the top, she realizes Kira’s door is slightly ajar. “S?” she says again, even though she already knows that it isn’t.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Remember when Helena managed to lasso that crowbar with her belt when she was in the cage and then use it to break the lock before she could call Sarah to get her out? That was such a cool scene that actually happened, and I love it.
> 
> ...what do you mean, this is tagged "canon divergence"? THAT WAS SUCH A COOL SCENE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, AND--

Sarah comes back from her meeting with Leekie to a silent house. “S?” she calls – softly, in case Kira’s still asleep. No response. Her already churning gut – give Helena up to Leekie? don’t? save herself? get Leekie after Kira’s scent? give Helena up? – lurches, so she feels like she’s about to vomit. She doesn’t have a gun. She wishes, suddenly, that she had a gun.

She walks up the edges of the stairs. When she gets to the top, she realizes Kira’s door is slightly ajar. “S?” she says again, even though she already knows that it isn’t.

 _You’d promised to look after her_ , she thinks at S, a sharp dizzying nausea of guilt, but it’s not Siobhan’s fault. Where is Siobhan? Whose fault is it, whatever happened to Siobhan?

When Sarah nudges the door open it creaks. When Sarah nudges the door open Helena is on the other side. She sees Sarah; her face brightens. Sarah wants a gun Sarah wants a _gun_.

“Get away from her,” she hisses, voice a whisper. Kira is asleep; Helena is sitting by her bed, close enough that she could settle a hand in her hair.

“I would never hurt her,” Helena breathes pleadingly. “It was an accident.”

“Get _away from her_ ,” Sarah says, loud enough that Kira whines in her sleep and rolls over. They both freeze and stare at her. Sarah hates that she recognizes her own expression on Helena’s face; she hates that it seems sincere. But despite that sincerity Helena does not move. She shifts so she’s sitting on her hands and she does not move.

“I will _kill you_ ,” Sarah says.

Helena looks at Kira. She looks at Sarah. _No you won’t_ , her expression says, but when she opens her mouth what comes out is: “Is she alright.”

“You don’t get to know that,” Sarah says flatly. “Where’s Siobhan.”

Helena’s expression is perfectly blank.

“ _Siobhan_ ,” Sarah says. “Where is she.”

A spark of recognition. “The woman with the gun,” Helena says. She must recognize an answer in Sarah’s face, because she says “Sleeping” with complete nonchalance. She goes back to looking at Kira. Her face is full of pure and naked longing.

Sarah takes a step closer and Helena goes tense all at once but otherwise does not move. She’s tracing over Kira’s face with her eyes and it feels dirty and Sarah wishes she’d stop. The love in that expression, she hates it, she wants it to stop.

Sarah stands behind her. Sarah, Helena, Kira’s eyelashes fluttering as she dreams.

Helena finally tilts her head, to look at Sarah. “Please,” she says. She struggles with some sort of follow-up and then visibly gives up, deflates. Wilted in her chair she looks so small. “Please,” she says again.

“She could have _died_ ,” Sarah says, voice low with anguish. Helena curls in on herself even more, hair falling over her face so Sarah can’t see her expression. “I’m sorry,” she says, and her voice is the very smallest thing.

“Jesus Christ,” Sarah breathes. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you?”

“I’m sorry,” Helena says again. She’s rocking back and forth, smashing the bones of her hands flat over and over. When Sarah looks she realizes they’re bloody, gouged open by something. Not Siobhan. Siobhan would have left no wounds, or left deeper ones.

“Helena,” Sarah says, “what _happened_ to you?”

Helena shudders, once, twice, and then starts crying. In her sleep Kira makes a terrified sound and curls into a ball; her brow twitches as she dreams, unfolding and refolding itself into shapes of different loneliness. Sarah imagines she can feel it ricocheting between the three of them: that loneliness, and terror, and despair and love and exhaustion. She is thinking about this and then her hand is on Helena’s shoulderblade. It’s that simple. Sarah hadn’t realized it would be, and that breaks her heart.

“Please don’t make me leave,” Helena whispers. “I have nothing left. I have no place to go. I want to stay here with you. _Please_.”

Sarah swallows, and doesn’t answer, and rubs Helena’s back in slow circles as Helena lets out sobs that are almost silent. The only evidence is the trembling of her back under Sarah’s hand. The bones of it, the bones.

Sarah is so tired. The world shouldn’t be working so hard, to make her this tired. Helena’s back trembling under her palm like a bird held. Kira in the bed, settling into stillness. Sarah’s brain is dancing around a thought that terrifies her: if she took her hand off Helena’s back, and if she got into that bed next to Kira, Helena would watch her as she dreamed and nothing would touch her. All of Sarah’s problems would go away, and Helena would be right there with her bloody torn-open hands and so much love in her eyes they could both choke on it.

She realizes that Helena is finally still. The second she notices this Helena sits up, slowly, and reaches behind her to pull Sarah’s arm all the way around. She holds Sarah’s hand delicately between her two scratched-open palms. Her eyes find Sarah. _Is this alright? Am I allowed?_

Sarah shudders out a sigh, and folds her other arm around Helena, so she is something like holding her. The chair back is cold wood between them, but Sarah’s arms are all the way around Helena. She folds Helena’s bloody hands between her own. Helena leans back, so that her head bumps against Sarah’s stomach. The chair is between them, though. Sarah can allow this because the chair is between them.

“I love you,” Helena whispers. Sarah can’t see her face, so she can’t see if Helena is looking for a response. Sarah doesn’t give her one. They both keep watching Kira, and they clasp each other’s hands, and for a moment – god, for a moment – it feels something close to enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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